This is how my first belly dance class helped me open up about my mental health.
Sometime in 2016 I took my first belly dance class and in January of 2017 I committed to it. A client of mine was an instructor and eventually convinced me to try it. I signed up for an eight week series figuring that if I hated it I would just stop doing it. The only person I knew was the instructor and I hadn’t taken a dance class since I was eleven or twelve. My self-esteem and mental health were damaged and I was struggling every day just to keep going.
Oversharing is my M.O.
Before we started dancing we all sat in a circle on the floor and introduced ourselves. It reminded me a little of kindergarten. Each of us shared what had brought us to belly dance. There was a lot of “I just wanted to try something new” and some “I need to be more active”. It was the first time I remember sharing my anxiety and depression in public. I was almost six years postpartum and had been struggling with intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation and nightmares. Insurance didn’t cover mental health treatment and my husband was not as supportive in his younger years. So this was an effort to do something, anything, to save my own life.
It wasn’t all that serious though! It came with plenty of laughter and smiles and filthy jokes. I’m so grateful for where it led me. Let me tell you about it.
The most awkward I’ve ever felt
The movements of belly dance are not what I would call “natural”. The way your body needs to move in order to achieve the isolations and layering that are characteristic of belly dance are the weirdest I’ve ever experienced. I often felt like I was trying to pat my belly and rub my head while chewing gum. Or is that pat my head and rub my belly? Either way, coordination has never been something that came naturally to me so it was a challenge for sure.
Belly dance challenged my body while allowing me to having fun
Admittedly, I was frustrated at first. Hip and chest slides were difficult and moving my arms gracefully while maintaining a shimmy was near impossible. But, every couple of weeks I would have a breakthrough and over time I started mastering all of these. I found that my body was capable of learning new things and that the other women were more than willing to meet one another wherever they were in their progress. We were helping one another figure it out. Our laughter was often deep in our bellies and we stopped apologizing for existing in that space.
After eight weeks of belly dance I started noticing the changes
I noticed changes in my body, its appearance and its ability. I found that I was using these movements to sooth myself emotionally and physically. I made friends who accepted me and supported me. The progress I noticed in myself was enough that I signed up for another eight weeks, received the level two certification and performed multiple times until the studio closed in 2019.
I knew that I would keep dancing. I felt better physically and emotionally than I had in a long time. I felt more confident and comfortable with myself. My self-acceptance grew and I realized that I could start over and learn new skills – even into my 40s.
Have you ever tried something new that felt impossible only to find that you loved it? How did it feel when you started making progress? I wish everyone had something like this to show them their potential.